I’ve been riding this train
for a very long time now,
much longer than the woman
who just got on. While all stand clear,
the doors close, and we
are locked in this silver eel together.
It is two minutes beneath the East
River until the next stop and I feel
the pressure pounding, my ears popping,
and her eyes perusing the train
as if it is her first time. She has goldfish eyes.
They are wide and forgetful eyes.
Dark and beautifully unforgettable eyes.
This journey will always be new for her.
I think of talking to her, ask her what
book she’s reading. But all my thought
drift upward like hot air, and seep through
the cement and cement to drown, unheard,
in the East River.
As the train arrives at Bedford Avenue,
I am tired and the train lulls me to sleep.
My eye close like a camera lens,
but no photo for memory is saved.
When I wake up, she is gone. But,
I know tomorrow she’ll be back with those
glassy refreshing eyes. God’s most beautiful
anointment, those youthful Goldfish eyes.
I see them swarming and skinning
one another with yellow sandpaper bodies;
they are like gnats, but bigger and more
beautiful. They hum, and murmur
and speak in little voices in the meadows,
perch on sunflowers and hold sweet nectar,
and sing the coming of spring. And with legs
planting themselves like lovers’ fingers around my arm,
she lands on me. She grazes on me, searching
for what she might make sweet. She leaves me,
empty-handed. I ponder where she sleeps now,
what cause she serves. And her beauty, quiet words.
But I remember how they swarm back to the hive,
it’s just a trip outside, to let her knows she’s alive.
Love, as I have said time and time again, is far too complicated. It’s hard to explain. But heartbreak, that is so much easier to voice. When your stomach turns at the mention of the others name. Always having those moments when your arm is stretched out over the table reaching for something that will not be there. And then you have that dryness in your mouth, just when you think about the good times. Heartbreak is so easy, but when two people bond over heartbreak, it once again becomes more complicated. Here’s the poem:
Two figures, dancing in the dark
Swaying and swinging to the tune
Of so many broken hearts.
They are not more than you and I
Just simply two humans connected,
Seeing almost eye to eye.
They do not see hips and thighs,
They see minds and blue skies,
And they speak stories from a heart
Far too wise.
They hear a wailing harp,
Struggling to make dreams real
But they just swing, dancing to their hearts
Any way they feel.
I find it amazing how time works. Every day as the sun rises for me, it is stolen from millions of other people and vice versa. But what if I followed the sun? What if I never fell victim to the darkness of night? What would life be like?
If the sun sets
Which we both know it will
Let’s follow its light
Over horizons and hills
The sun will not set on our eyes
If our eyes set on the sun
Chasing the sun gives rise
To new worlds begun.
And if it slips away
Which we both know it must
Just let it go gently
As it sinks into the dust
But it will rise again
Our deadly lustful friend
A woman disappeared in night
Is with someone new, until it ends